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| Players: | 94/700 | Votes: | 7735 |
| Rating: | 4.3 / 5 | ||
| Unbreakable Chains Forged: | 5 | Battle Standards Raised: | 5 |
| Magical Ponies Rescued: | 5 | Celestial Events Witnessed: | 5 |
| Crystal Caves Mapped: | 5 | Pirate Ships Captured: | 2 |
| Unicorn Sightings: | 1 | Unsolvable Puzzles Solved: | 5 |
| Giant Mushrooms Cultivated: | 4 | Secret Libraries Discovered: | 1 |
| Legendary Items Repaired: | 5 | Lost Souls Rescued: | 5 |
| Mineshafts Explored: | 5 | Divine Scrolls Written: | 18 |
Are you tired of waiting for your Surface Laptop 5 to arrive? Well, why not join our Minecraft server instead! For just $1122 (which is totally not a rip-off, we promise), you can escape your poorfag shithole and enter a world where the only thing you have to worry about is creepers blowing up your house.
On our server, you can build a mansion made entirely out of diamonds, ride pigs into battle against evil mobs, and even participate in our annual “Lava Parkour Challenge” where the winner gets a free pet dragon (Disclaimer: dragons may or may not actually exist in Minecraft).
So forget about your questionable purchase decisions and come join us on the most epic Minecraft server ever created! Who needs a Surface Laptop 5 when you can have a virtual world full of adventure and endless possibilities?
