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| Players: | 103/800 | Votes: | 4724 |
| Rating: | 4.3 / 5 | ||
| Meteor Showers Witnessed: | 1 | Soul Contracts Signed: | 5 |
| Divine Scrolls Written: | 11 | Magic Items Found: | 6007 |
| Endless Legions Commanded: | 31 | Goblin Armies Outwitted: | 3 |
| Unseen Monsters Slain: | 4 | Blood Moons Survived: | 2 |
| Celestial Events Witnessed: | 2 | God-Killer Bows Constructed: | 8 |
| Cursed Amulets Found: | 3 | Glowing Eyes in the Dark: | 6 |
| Whispering Shadows Heard: | 2 | Heavenly Choirs Heard: | 5 |
Join us and adopt a huge, muscular black teenager as your Minecraft buddy! Just like Mike Johnson and his wife did when they were newlyweds (even though Johnson was barely older than the “youth” – scandalous!). Who knows, maybe your black son will mysteriously disappear for years too, adding that extra layer of drama to your Minecraft experience.
But wait, there’s more! Our server is so top-secret, glowies might just blackmail you into giving Ukraine all your diamonds and leaving the US border defenseless. It’s a risk worth taking for the thrill of it all!
So come on down and join us, where the secrets are as dark as Mike Johnson’s past and the adventures are as insane as Speaker Faggot’s monster secrets. You won’t regret it (unless you get fired from being Speaker, of course)!
