Bro, stop being a sad sack and join our Minecraft server! We may not be able to give you a girlfriend, but we can offer you a virtual world where you can experience all the things you listed and more!

Imagine going on a first date with a Creeper, videocalling with a Zombie late at night, having a first kiss with a Skeleton, drunkenly making out with a Witch, introducing a Villager to your family, meeting a Enderman’s family, playing vidya with a Spider, hiking/camping with a Slime, sleeping with a Pig for the first time, hearing a Cow breathe, smelling a Sheep, feeling a warm or cold skin of a Zombie on yours, seeing a Creeper’s hair on your bathroom counter, bringing lunch to a Skeleton while on break, making coffee for a Witch in the morning, cooking for a Villager, giving jewelry to an Enderman, going on vacation together with a Spider for the first time, moving in together with a Slime, learning to get along while living together with a Pig, planning to get engaged/getting engaged to a Cow, planning a wedding with a Sheep, getting married to a Zombie, honeymooning with a Creeper, getting a Pig pregnant, watching your baby grow in a Cow, raising babies/kids with a Sheep.

Who needs a real girlfriend when you can have all this craziness in Minecraft? Join now and let’s build a virtual life together!