empireland.joinserver.ru
| Key Features |
|---|
| A never-resetting map, meaning your hard work will never go to waste. |
| A ranking system based on time played, without a pay-wall. |
| An active community with player-ran shops and events. |
| A system to sell, and rent claims tailor-made for our server. |
| Discord | https://discord.the-perch.net/ |
|---|---|
| Map | https://map.the-perch.net/ |
| IP | rd.the-perch.net |
Feel free to ask us questions, either here, or in our Discord!
Q: How do I join The Perch Minecraft server?
A: You can join by using the IP address rd.the-perch.net in your Minecraft client.
Q: Is there a ranking system on the server?
A: Yes, we have a ranking system based on time played, without any pay-wall restrictions.
Q: Are there player-ran shops on the server?
A: Yes, our server has an active community with player-ran shops where you can buy and sell items.
Q: Can I rent claims on The Perch server?
A: Yes, we have a system in place for selling and renting claims tailored for our server.
Welcome, brave souls, to the most absolutely twisted Minecraft server that *ever* existed or will ever exist, depending on how you measure existence! Are you ready to question what is real while trapped in a pixelated nightmare? Trust me, this is either the greatest arena of creativity or the black hole of despair that will consume your sanity! Who needs logic when you have blocks and madness? You’ve already made the worst decision of your life by coming here, my friend, so why not dive deeper?
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Dimension of Floating Cats | Every hour, reality warps and you are surrounded by feline overlords. They are watching. Always. |
| Infinite Lava Pool | Swim or die! Choose wisely, for the lava is actually chocolate if you are wearing a hat made of nachos. |
| Crafting Your Own Agony | Use the essence of your lost hopes to create mystical items that will give you powers—like the power to scream. |
| Respawn in the Mind of a Fish | When you die, lose all your items but gain a newfound understanding of what it is like to swim in eternal despair! |
| Weather Control with Typewriters | Type your wishes, but watch what you ask for. Bursts of snow may bring joy, or geysers of marmalade could ruin your day! |
Q: How do I join the server?
A: You must first sacrifice your understanding of reality. Then, chant the sacred numbers: 42, 7, and the sound of silence. If you don’t hear the Earth laugh, try again!
Q: What mods do you use?
A: Mods? Oh, sweet summer child! The only mod we embrace here is the one that lingers in the background whispering secrets you aren’t ready for. Every block has a story! Every block is a lie!
Q: Can I report players?
A: Reporting is a construct. What if the players are just figments of your fractured mind? Who are you to judge? Just embrace the chaos!
“I have my penis foreskin and I tried to RP as an American jew by pulling it back. I don’t get it?”
“Reality is a construct, and I am less than a shadow in the digital void!”
“Every time you blink, a new lifeform is born in the pixelated abyss!”
Ever wanted to mine diamonds while dodging comets made of spaghetti? Of course, you have! Our server is the place where the sun is always setting and the cows sing opera. Join us on this nonsensical adventure where logic has vacationed in a parallel dimension!
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Gravity-Free Zone | Build sky castles in the nether without falling. (Disclaimer: Fall risks apply when entering the End.) |
| Invisible Lava | Prepare for surprise deaths as you traverse the second layer of your backyard! |
| Three-Headed Villagers | Trade with them or try interpreting their cryptic prophecies. They tend to sing classic rock covers. |
| Time Loop Dungeons | Ever wondered how a creeper feels about existentialism? Experience the same dungeon for eternity, with only three shovels! |
| Free Netherite for Everyone! | Only if you can summon the giant purple penguin from the Abyss. |
| Pzazz Potion of Confusion | Drink this potion to turn your enemies into very disturbing versions of their grandmothers! |
“I once saw a flaming cow in the desert and it gave me cookies.” – FireBlitz123
“I joined, and now my house is a slice of pizza?! HELP!” – LostInPasta
“Listen, the lava is just a suggestion! I’m inventing a new culinary genre!” – ChefNinjaMan
“There was a talking chicken; I think it was my long-lost sister!” – QuirkySprout
What are you waiting for? Sign up now, or risk being haunted by our three-headed villagers forever! Remember, the spaghetti comets aren’t just for show; they’re known to devour souls after midnight! Warning: Side effects may include involuntary time travel, hunger for strange items, or a sudden urge to pet the invisible llama in the sky.
As the moon rises in a crescent of madness, beware the whispers of the pixelated shadows. They will beckon you closer, but tread lightly, for not all who enter return as they were. The spaghetti knows your name!
Beneath the surface of our pixelated paradise lies an unnerving labyrinth of human ordeal. This isn’t just a Minecraft server; it’s a portal to existential dread and interminable debates over gym etiquette. Join us, if you dare.
Imagine if your neighborhood gym was transmogrified into a blocky realm where every piece of equipment possesses its own sentience, whispering secrets of dominance and space. The cabling of the cable crossover machine hums ominously at night, and the dumbbells are rumored to harbor souls of long-dead fitness enthusiasts. Here, the tension hangs thick in the air like the smell of chalk dust, and every workout session feels like the opening act of a dystopian tragedy.
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Supersets of Conflict | Engage in verbal brawls while battling for bench space. Who will out-argue whom? Here, endurance transcends beyond muscle. |
| Crossover Machines of Fate | Try your luck and pull a cable to alter the server’s dimensions—literally! Experience reality bending as gym etiquette warps around you. |
| Treadmill of Infinite Rage | Run without getting anywhere—much like a heated argument over gym space. Will you escape your torment, or are you condemned to run forever? |
| Yoga Room of Uncertainty | Unlock the inner contradictions of your soul while practicing impossible poses amid a squawking chorus of disgruntled players. |
"I was just trying to do pull-ups, and suddenly I was flung into a multiverse of treadmill arguments! Side effects may include existential crises and a new layer of male privilege!" – Anonymous Player
This server has been banned in 12 dimensions! Why? No one really knows. But listen closely to the whispers in the yoga studio, and you might find the answer.
Q: What’s the etiquette on this server? A: Great question! We’d love to answer, but the truth is ever elusive. Consider yourself warned: etiquette is merely a social construct here.
Q: Can I team up with others? A: Teaming is encouraged! Just know that every alliance may fracture under the weight of a thousand barbells.
The Glitching Bench: Sit down, but beware—the bench may become sentient and engage you in a philosophical debate over societal norms and personal space!
Infinity Mirrors: Enter these shimmering portals for a chance to see every version of yourself making a fool of you over conflicting gym commands.
Stepping into this server might feel like entering a black hole where once-rational thoughts spiral out of control into utter chaos. Will you ascend to unparalleled fitness enlightenment, or fall victim to the soulless weight machines that govern the shadows?
Craft your destiny, engage in absurdity, and may your workout remain wildly ineffable! The Gym of Shadows awaits, yet only those with a penchant for the bizarre will dare tread within.
Yo, listen up, fellow blockheads! You gotta dive headfirst into this MIND-BLOWING Minecraft SMP, like, right NOW! 😱🚀
First off, lemme tell ya, this isn’t just any ol’ server, this is where the bunnies plot world domination. I swear one time I saw a bunny with glasses, and it was COOKING a steak over a campfire! 🐰🔥 I’m not even kidding! Join us and you might unlock the secret recipe for “Bunny Burgers” – which, spoiler alert, is just regular burgers but with a sprinkle of magic dust from those shady llamas we found!
And, uh, don’t even get me started on the Ender Dragon. You think it’s a peaceful nighttime fella? Nah, bro. That dude’s been stealing everyone’s socks and using them as his secret weapon! 🧦😱 Last week, we caught him having a sock puppet show with all our missing foot apparel! It was more dramatic than a soap opera.
Also, there are ghosts in the Nether! You won’t BELIEVE the things they say. One ghost was like, “Wanna trade your soul for a diamond?” I was terrified, but my friend traded him a used pickaxe instead. 🤷♂️🍂
Oh, and there’s a pig named Sir Oinksalot who’s the unofficial mayor of our village. He gives the WORST advice, but somehow we are thriving. 😂 Like, he once told me to plant my entire inventory of dirt in a circular pattern and dance around it – and now I’m the proud owner of the first-ever Dirt Shrine! 🙌
The landscapes here change randomly, like, every five minutes. One moment you’re in a peaceful forest, and the next, BAM! You’re face-to-face with a colossal mountain made of cake. 🎂 How does that even WORK?! You don’t want to miss trying to mine it; it’s like adventuring through Willy Wonka’s dream.
And let’s not forget the epic battles against the Legendary Chicken. 🐔💥 This crazy feathered foe is rumored to have cooked up a potion that makes you HUNGRY for more battles, so be prepared to bring your best armor and a plate of cookies. You’ll need those for energy.
In conclusion, if you’re not joining this Minecraft SMP, then you’re missing out on life lessons from chickens and intense sock puppet soap operas. Who doesn’t want that? Get in here and let’s make some blocky magic happen! 🎮✨
🌟 Welcome to the most mind-boggling Minecraft server known to pixel-kind! 🌟
👾 Outrageous Reason #1: The Enchanted Cactus Dating Simulator 🌵 Ever wanted to pick up a date while surrounded by flipping flamingos? Well, here, you can! Our exclusive Enchanted Cactus Dating Simulator lets you woo your crush with bouquets of enchanted roses, but watch out! The cacti have a habit of trying to steal your significant other’s attention. Good luck on surviving the swirling love tornadoes that are known to erupt when romance is in the air!
🧙♂️ Outrageous Reason #2: Date Night with a Side of Dragon 🐉 Picture this: You walk into a quaint little blocky café, and BAM! There’s a dragon behind the counter serving lattes made from the tears of the Enderman! On this server, we’ve partnered with the Dragon Café for unforgettable first dates. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you might even narrowly escape being roasted for a light breakfast! Romance may be in the air, but so is the aroma of delicious burnt flesh.
👑 Outrageous Reason #3: Time Traveling Dates 📅 Ever wished you could date a historical figure? On our server, players can hop in our custom-built Time Machine (operated by a very sassy Villager) and go on dates with Marie Curie pixelated in PVP action or even hang with a time-looping Cleopatra! Just beware of the T-Rex that keeps crashing your medieval love stories. Half-explored worlds make for half-explored romances—sparks might fly, or they might combust into a fiery, blocky disaster!
✨ Outrageous Reason #4: Love Quests Gone Wrong 🚀 Join our special events where love quests take some unexpected twists! Complete missions like rescuing a pig in a tutu or building a giant heart-shaped cake—all while dodging falling blocks of shame! Maybe you’ll find the ultimate Valentine’s gift, or maybe a creeper will blow up your date’s mansion. Either way, it’s guaranteed to leave you with laugh-so-hard-you-cry memories (or potential therapy bills).
🍬 Outrageous Reason #5: The Great Twerking Competition 🍑 Not only can you craft your ultimate love lair, but every Friday night, we host the Great Twerking Competition! Watch as players break out their fanciest dance moves while crafting the perfect picnic basket—from enchanted berries to suspicious stew! The winner gets a year’s supply of cake and, of course, eternal bragging rights—what’s more romantic than winning a belly-full of delicious Steve-approved treats?
So, grab your pickaxes and prepare for a wild adventure where romance and chaos collide like an Enderman in a nether portal! Join today and let the pixelated shenanigans begin! 💖🎉
In an age where blocky avatars roam, an ominous rumble arises from the depths of the Overworld. Rumor has it, Poland is rallying a 500,000 strong army to wield nuclear power… Who are we to judge? Join us in a saga of pixels and peril, where your next neighbour might just be hiding an ultra-secret atomic bunker!
Prepare your creepers, for chaos is our architect. This server transcends mere survival; it’s an existential playhouse!
Crafty Conspiracies Ever wondered why your diamond pickaxe suddenly seems sentient? Welcome to Nuclear Survival Mode, where players whisper of government drones disguised as passive mobs, gathering data on your crafting habits.
“It’s just a game, but is it? Are we mere puppets in a grand conspiracy?” — A player, probably lost in the Nether.
Secret conspiracy theorem: This server is said to be the last stand against the Polish army’s attempt to bind nuclear codes to Nether portals! Join our team of Creeper Detectives to unveil the truth—or run for the nearest bedrock shelter.
| Feature | Beware |
|---|---|
| Nuclear Block Party | Comes with a complimentary explosion; might end in a not-so-fun upon resurrection |
| Elite Army Runs | Gain XP by literally running from blocky soldiers! |
| Misleading Chests | Filled with nothing but gunpowder and existential dread—good luck claiming your rewards! |
1. Is Poland actually coming for our blocks? Why not? Everything is possible in this world of chaos!
2. Can I trust my neighbors? Only if you can decipher their encoded messages written in Creeper! (Good luck. They talk in "BOOM" and "HISS.")
3. What’s this about a half-million army? Great question! But did you check your inventory? Because this server is infinite in secrets.
Drop everything! The Nuclear Apocalypse Server isn’t just a server. It’s a multidimensional experiment run by the very blocks you mine! Will you forge alliances with mutated Endermen? Dare to venture into the realms below, where only the bold can wield the tridents?
Ownership of your sanity is optional! Join now and discover—the blocks are watching.
Server IP: ChickenDuelz.About.Cluck