Eleanor Tomlinson

Ever wanted to battle giant spiders that traveled 3,000 miles in a box of bananas just to terrorize a UK school? Well, now’s your chance! Our server is crawling with creepy crawlies just waiting to give you the fright of your life.

And if that’s not enough, how about joining armed officers as they swarm a north London neighborhood after a woman in her 30s is shot in the leg? It’s like being in a real-life action movie, but in Minecraft form!

But wait, there’s more! We’ve got IT outages delaying the import of perishable items to the UK by up to 20 hours, tories demanding the return of stop and search, and even a ban on schools teaching children about gender identity! It’s a rollercoaster of craziness that you won’t find anywhere else.

So what are you waiting for? Join our server now and be a part of the madness. Who knows, you might even come face to face with a “double rapist” caught by facial recognition cameras in Croydon. It’s a Minecraft experience like no other!