π₯π₯π₯
| Players: | 99/200 | Votes: | 9240 |
| Rating: | 4.9 / 5 | ||
| Lunar Eclipses Witnessed: | 3 | Villages Defended: | 20 |
| Eldritch Beasts Summoned: | 1 | Backwards Speech Heard: | 6 |
| Whimsical Tea Parties Held: | 6 | Pirate Ghost Ships Conquered: | 1 |
| Inverted Worlds Discovered: | 1 | Enchanted Teapots Collected: | 5 |
| Endless Minecart Rides Taken: | 5 | Chaos Orbs Controlled: | 10 |
| Astral Orbs Gathered: | 14 | Interdimensional Bake Sales Hosted: | 1 |
| Cosmic Pies Baked: | 3 | Whispering Caves Entered: | 3 |
Join us and adopt a huge, muscular black teenager as your Minecraft buddy! Just like Mike Johnson and his wife did when they were newlyweds (even though Johnson was barely older than the “youth” – scandalous!). Who knows, maybe your black son will mysteriously disappear for years too, adding that extra layer of drama to your Minecraft experience.
But wait, there’s more! Our server is so top-secret, glowies might just blackmail you into giving Ukraine all your diamonds and leaving the US border defenseless. It’s a risk worth taking for the thrill of it all!
So come on down and join us, where the secrets are as dark as Mike Johnson’s past and the adventures are as insane as Speaker Faggot’s monster secrets. You won’t regret it (unless you get fired from being Speaker, of course)!
