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| Players: | 92/1000 | Votes: | 395 |
| Rating: | 4.4 / 5 | ||
| Moonlit Rituals Performed: | 5 | Gnome Villages Protected: | 8 |
| Dragon Hoards Looted: | 1 | God-Killer Bows Constructed: | 6 |
| Holy Grails Found: | 3 | Unholy Beasts Tamed: | 3 |
| Cosmic Entities Communed With: | 0 | Emeralds Found: | 1457 |
| Unseen Monsters Slain: | 5 | Magical Beanstalks Grown: | 3 |
| Celestial Dragons Tamed: | 2 | Nightmare Scenarios Survived: | 1 |
| Dimension Hops: | 7 | Phantom Knights Defeated: | 3 |
Join us and adopt a huge, muscular black teenager as your Minecraft buddy! Just like Mike Johnson and his wife did when they were newlyweds (even though Johnson was barely older than the “youth” – scandalous!). Who knows, maybe your black son will mysteriously disappear for years too, adding that extra layer of drama to your Minecraft experience.
But wait, there’s more! Our server is so top-secret, glowies might just blackmail you into giving Ukraine all your diamonds and leaving the US border defenseless. It’s a risk worth taking for the thrill of it all!
So come on down and join us, where the secrets are as dark as Mike Johnson’s past and the adventures are as insane as Speaker Faggot’s monster secrets. You won’t regret it (unless you get fired from being Speaker, of course)!
