self-pampering

Y’all, lemme tell you about this Minecraft SMP that is like, WAAAY beyond anything you can even imagine, like I’m talkin’ about a unicorn holding a taco while riding a rainbow unicorn. You ever wanted to live your life like a king but in block form? Yeah, this is the place for you!

First off, we have a Robust Economy, like you can literally barter with NPCs who will trade you EXCLUSIVE items for mooshrooms. You can’t find that on the regular servers! I traded 20 stacks of dirt for a potato once, and I felt like an absolute god.

And guess what? There’s a Battle of the Bunnies every Friday where we throw bunnies into this pit and whoever’s bunny survives the longest wins a SIGNED copy of Minecraft! (PSA: The bunnies aren’t harm—just kidding, they demonic and flying everywhere, it’s a hoot!)

Listen, we had this super intense Dragon Fight, but we forgot to bring bows and arrows so we just pelted the Ender Dragon with stacks of pudding I made in-game, and let me tell you, it did NOT end well. The dragon was so confused, it just flew in circles until it crashed into my buddy Steve’s house and like, obliterated it. Classic Steve, amirite?

We also have this thing called the Creeper Olympics where we dress up creepers in little outfits and unleash them into a village and the last one standing wins a trophy made out of gold blocks and a voucher for unlimited pig riding. Yeah, you heard me right, pig riding is a luxury we ALL need.

Oh, did I mention the monthly “Drunk Building Night”? We all take turns chugging Potion of Harming until we can’t feel our fingers and then start building whatever comes to mind. Trust me, it’s ART. Mine last time was a 150-foot tall chicken that pooped diamonds. The admins went crazy and I got banned for a week, but I was the most liked player for MONTHS.

So listen up, if your life is as flat as a cobblestone block, join this cash-crazy SMP where the beds are soft, the villagers are sassy, and you can tell epic tales while building the worlds most elaborate taco restaurant! You can sell taco-related merch to fellow Minecrafters and become a taco mogul. It’s like Shark Tank, but like, with creepers and snacks!

Seriously, hit me up if you ever wanna join. Just remember: never trust a skeleton with a bow near a lava pool, and also, pudding is life!