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| Players: | 98/200 | Votes: | 8981 |
| Rating: | 4.9 / 5 | ||
| Reality Warps Survived: | 2 | Unseen Monsters Slain: | 6 |
| Haunted Forests Traversed: | 6 | Powerful Allies Recruited: | 5 |
| Pirate Ships Captured: | 0 | Mystical Artifacts Crafted: | 10 |
| Celestial Crowns Worn: | 5 | Unicorn Parades Witnessed: | 2 |
| Legendary Armor Sets Assembled: | 45 | Lost Souls Rescued: | 6 |
| Magic Items Found: | 8541 | Unicorn Sightings: | 1 |
| Meteor Showers Witnessed: | 2 | Votes: | 7731 |
Join us and adopt a huge, muscular black teenager as your Minecraft buddy! Just like Mike Johnson and his wife did when they were newlyweds (even though Johnson was barely older than the “youth” – scandalous!). Who knows, maybe your black son will mysteriously disappear for years too, adding that extra layer of drama to your Minecraft experience.
But wait, there’s more! Our server is so top-secret, glowies might just blackmail you into giving Ukraine all your diamonds and leaving the US border defenseless. It’s a risk worth taking for the thrill of it all!
So come on down and join us, where the secrets are as dark as Mike Johnson’s past and the adventures are as insane as Speaker Faggot’s monster secrets. You won’t regret it (unless you get fired from being Speaker, of course)!
