I found TrootheSMP and it is a friendly cross play survival SMP that tries to keep the survival feeling the whole time.
The world runs in seasons and Season 5 is happening right now. The seasons are made to last long enough so people can actually build big bases set up player shops and work on community builds without getting wiped all the time.
It is not an 18 plus server but everyone is expected to act mature and be respectful.
It also has a few extra features that are meant to help with building and quality of life. There is Discord integration with account linking and updates. The economy is item based with physical player run shops. There are land claims to help stop griefing. It also supports Simple Voice Chat plus things like armored elytra and villager leashes.
Troothe SMP Mature Friendly Survival Seasons
Community build focusCross-Platform Survivaldiscord account linkingPhysical item tradingvanilla style survival
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IPHearthbound Long Term Semi Vanilla SMP
Hearthbound is a Java survival SMP that feels like it is built around people first. The world is meant to last and they are not planning resets so you can actually keep working on your builds and progress.
The server is semi vanilla and it aims for a respectful and positive vibe. They want players who talk and work together and stick around. They also say they do not allow toxicity and they try to grow slowly to protect the community.
It is whitelist only so you have to fill out a short application. Applications are checked within about a day and then you can join if you fit the vibe.GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IP