I found a survival civilization server called Ruby Civ and it is built for people who want to simulate society in Minecraft.
You can join civilizations and pick a life that sounds fun like merchant thief tyrant or even a king or queen. It is mostly players doing their own thing and the big rule is no hacking and no xraying.
It works on both Java and Bedrock so more friends can join together. The owner says it is heavily optimized and aiming for no lag.
The server is starting this Friday so it feels like a fresh start where everyone can jump in early.