I found a hardcore server called Last Breath that feels like it wants you to actually stay in the same world and care about what you do.
It is community first and the whole point is that progress matters and your builds mean something. People are supposed to remember you even after you log off or die.
The server is community ran and players vote on what gets added. There is also a leaderboard and player count you can check and it talks about custom plugins too.
You can join on Java or Bedrock.
Last Breath Hardcore Community World
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IPFresh Crossplay Economy SMP To Join
Shinyvale is a smaller and newer SMP that feels like it is built around making money and trading. It has commands like sell and shop plus player shops and player warps so you can set up your own spots and find other players fast.
The world is huge with a 60 million world border so there is tons of space to explore and build. It also lets both Bedrock and Java players play together so more friends can join in.GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IP