I found TrootheSMP and it is a friendly cross play survival SMP that tries to keep the survival feeling the whole time.
The world runs in seasons and Season 5 is happening right now. The seasons are made to last long enough so people can actually build big bases set up player shops and work on community builds without getting wiped all the time.
It is not an 18 plus server but everyone is expected to act mature and be respectful.
It also has a few extra features that are meant to help with building and quality of life. There is Discord integration with account linking and updates. The economy is item based with physical player run shops. There are land claims to help stop griefing. It also supports Simple Voice Chat plus things like armored elytra and villager leashes.
