I found Headrest SMP and it is a Paper server that is starting Season 2 today. It runs on 1.20.10 and it has a bunch of quality of life stuff like Terralith and other structure plugins.
The vibe is roleplay with lore and factions. People build together and also fight other groups when drama starts. PvP is there but it is more like a side thing and not the whole point.
There is a safe zone at spawn where players can build shops and hang out. They also use a simple voice chat mod so talking feels more real.
They have plugins for stuff like no elytra during combat and combatlog and a sit command. The server also says it has a dedicated machine with 20GB of ram and a 5800x3d CPU to help keep lag down.
