I found ArcticMC and it is a new SMP that started only a couple days ago. It is a Towny and factions survival server so you can make a town and claim land then team up with others or fight over territory.
PVP matters here but it is not just random killing. They use an honor system and it is explained in their rules so combat is supposed to stay fair.
There is McMMO skills so you level up as you play and unlock abilities when you get higher levels. They also have custom items like furniture and it is entity based so they plan limits per chunk to help with lag.
The world uses Tectonic generation so the terrain looks realistic with big mountains and valleys. The community is meant to be calm and friendly so you can build grind explore or just hang out.
