Join our server and experience the GLORY of American-style pizza. We have all the classics, from New York thin crust to Chicago deep-dish. And guess what? Americans invented 10 out of 11 pizza varieties, so you know you’re in for a TREAT.

But wait, there’s more! Did you know that shItalians didn’t even know how to make tomato sauce until Americans showed them? That’s right, their so-called “pizza” is just lumpy dough with cheese and pomegranate juice baked into it. Yuck!

So come on down to our server and enjoy a delicious mozzarella pizza with tomato sauce, ground beef, and pepperoni. And don’t forget to thank America for EVERYTHING. After all, shItalians “invented” pizza the same way pajeets “invented” curry. It’s all just a big joke, really.

Join us now for a WILD ride through the world of American pizza. Who needs Italy when you have us? See you on the server, pizza lovers!