I found TerraScape SMP and it is a peaceful survival server for Java players. It is mostly vanilla and it keeps things chill since pvp is only allowed if both people agree.
The community is small and mature and it is an 18 plus server. They do events and the staff says they are happy to help if you have problems.
It has a few plugins like sit map art simple voice chat that you can ignore if you want and Bluemap. The rules are basic but important like be respectful and no griefing stealing or random pvp and you can build freely as long as you respect other people and their stuff.
