abysmal Minecraft Servers

Abysmal

  • Windows 7 and Supermium Minecraft SMP

    Windows 7 and Supermium Minecraft SMP

    New Minecraft Servers

    Are you tired of slow servers with boring players? Join our Minecraft SMP where we only accept players who browse 4chan on obsolete Windows 7 machines with supermium browser! But wait, there’s more – we only allow players with HDDs, not SSDs, because somehow it makes the game ten times faster than on a Windows 11 machine with ten times better CPU and RAM. And don’t worry about the abysmal screen resolution of old TFT monitors, it just adds to the challenge!

    But here’s the catch – you must use Windows 7, no Linux allowed! Because let’s be real, Windows 7 is faster than Linux when supermium is used. So if you’re ready for a wild ride filled with outrageous tech requirements and insane stories, join our Minecraft SMP today!

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • ShitCraft: The Ultimate Minecraft Server

    ShitCraft: The Ultimate Minecraft Server

    New Minecraft Servers

    Welcome to the most chaotic and ridiculous Minecraft server you’ll ever encounter! Why should you join us, you ask? Well, let me tell you a little story about our server.

    Once upon a time, a player joined our server and was immediately greeted by a herd of dancing pigs wearing top hats. Yes, you read that right. These pigs were busting out some sick moves to the tune of “Baby Shark” and the player couldn’t help but join in on the fun.

    But that’s not all! Our server is home to the legendary Chicken Army, led by a chicken named Sir Clucksalot. This army marches around the server, clucking orders and causing chaos wherever they go. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a chicken riding a pig into battle.

    And let’s not forget about our infamous “TNT Tuesdays,” where every block you break has a chance of exploding into a giant fireball. It’s like playing Russian roulette with blocks, and it’s as exhilarating as it is terrifying.

    So, if you’re looking for a Minecraft server that’s as wild and unpredictable as a llama on a pogo stick, then look no further. Join us today and prepare for a gaming experience like no other. Just remember, we are fucking shit, but in the best way possible.

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • Abysmal SMP: Where even the squids are terrified! Join if you dare, 1.20+ on Discord!

    Abysmal SMP: Where even the squids are terrified! Join if you dare, 1.20+ on Discord!

    New Minecraft Servers

    Abyss SMP Overview

    Server Type Whitelisted Minecraft Java SMP
    Features Vanilla experience with quality of life datapacks
    Community Great community atmosphere
    Discord Join our Discord

    FAQ

    1. How do I join the Abyss SMP?

    You will need to join our Discord server and fill out an application to be added to the whitelist. Once approved, you will receive the server IP.

    2. Are there any rules on the server?

    Yes, we have a list of rules that all players must adhere to. These rules are meant to ensure a positive and respectful environment for all players.

    3. Are there any banned items or blocks on the server?

    We aim to keep the server experience as close to vanilla as possible, so we have a limited list of banned items and blocks. Check our Discord server for the most up-to-date information.

    4. Can I invite my friends to join the server?

    Yes, you can invite your friends to join the server. However, they will also need to go through the application process to be added to the whitelist.

    5. Do you have any events or activities planned for the server?

    We have regular events and activities planned for the server, including build competitions, mini-games, and community events. Join our Discord server to stay updated on upcoming events.

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • Coffee Beans and Crafting Dreams

    Coffee Beans and Crafting Dreams

    New Minecraft Servers

    Why Your Life Depends on Joining the Most Magnificent Minecraft Server Ever!!!

    Welcome, mere mortal! You might think you know what reality is, but NO! Join us in the void—a Minecraft server so absurdly magnificent that your brain will beg for clarity but find only chaos! This is NOT just a server. It’s a portal to your wildest (and worst) nightmares! Why? Because if you don’t join now, you’re giving up your chance to understand the cosmic joke of existence! You’ll never play a normal block game again! Without this server, you might as well eat soup with a fork! Think about it!

    Features of the Insanity!

    Feature Description
    Time Travel Griefers Fix the past by breaking the future! Why play in the present when you can play in the schism?
    Floating Blocks of Melancholy Experience existential dread as you construct WITHERS from dream fragments in the Sky of Sadness.
    Endless Coffee Beans Survive on bean farms that barely exist. Reality bends when you drink from the cup of nothingness!
    Donald Trump Villagers Bartering with villagers has never been so LOUD! They’ll sell you your worst fears for diamonds!
    Exploding Bread Who needs TNT? Just attempt to consume any freshly baked goods—you might not survive!

    FAQ Section (Or Is It?)

    Q: Can I join if I’ve never played Minecraft?

    A: Totally! But beware, your ignorance is a powerful weapon against the chaos monster lurking behind the curtain of reality! Prepare yourself!

    Q: How do I build in this server?

    A: Building is overrated unless you consider constructing edible llamas a legitimate pastime—then you’re golden!

    Q: What happens if I die?

    A: Death is just the beginning! Or maybe it’s the end. Either way, your soul might be eternal (or non-existent). Who can say?

    Random Quotes from the Void!

    “Coffee bean prices are at all time highs and going up.”

    “I don’t care about eggs but don’t fuck with my coffee!”

    “Truth is a flat circle. Drink more coffee!”

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • ConcertCrewCraft

    ConcertCrewCraft

    New Minecraft Servers

    So, like, this server is, like, the craziest place ever, man. Picture this: a land where pigs fly and sheep dance, where diamonds rain from the sky and creepers tell jokes. It’s like a dream, but in block form.

    You gotta join this server because, like, there’s this secret cave filled with enchanted golden apples that give you superpowers. I heard a player once ate one and turned into a dragon for a whole day. True story, bro.

    And get this, there’s a village where all the villagers are actually wizards in disguise. They can grant you wishes and turn your wooden sword into a diamond one with just a flick of their wand. It’s wild, man.

    But, like, be careful of the lava pits, they say there’s a portal to a parallel universe down there where everything is upside down and chickens rule the land. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

    So, come join us on this server, where the adventures are endless and the fun never stops. Who knows, maybe you’ll stumble upon a hidden treasure chest filled with cookies and rainbows. It’s a Minecraft world like no other, dude.

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • TomatoTossers Minecraft SMP

    TomatoTossers Minecraft SMP

    New Minecraft Servers

    OMG, imagine if like, the President was giving a speech to congress and then all of a sudden, a bunch of random people who weren’t even supposed to be there just started chucking rotten tomatoes at him! Like, can you even imagine the chaos?! It would be like a food fight but with way more serious consequences, lol.

    So, like, if you wanna experience that level of craziness but in Minecraft form, then you gotta join our SMP! We have the most epic events, like building competitions where the losers get pelted with virtual tomatoes or treasure hunts where the prize is a giant potato statue. Plus, our community is so wacky and fun, you’ll never have a dull moment.

    So come join us and let’s make some meme-worthy moments together! Who knows, maybe one day we’ll have a virtual tomato throwing event in honor of that crazy hypothetical scenario at the address to congress, lmao. Let’s get weird, my dudes! 🍅🤪 #TomatoGate2021

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • EuroCraft: Billionaire Battle Royale

    EuroCraft: Billionaire Battle Royale

    New Minecraft Servers

    Are you tired of boring old politics and international relations? Well, come join our Minecraft server where we have our own version of re-arming Europe with a whopping eight hundred and fifty billion diamonds! And guess what? We’re throwing in an extra one hundred and fifty billion diamonds for Ukraine too! Forget about America, they’re not invited to this epic diamond party. Join now and build your own diamond fortress to show off your wealth and power! Who needs real world investments when you have Minecraft diamonds, am I right?

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • WarriorCraft Minecraft Server

    WarriorCraft Minecraft Server

    New Minecraft Servers

    come join our minecraft server, where we fight wars every 30 seconds and britain is just a random country that doesn’t even exist! jd vance tried to join but couldn’t handle the chaos, so now he’s denying everything like a noob. keir starmer tried to bring peacekeepers but ended up getting blown up by a creeper. if you want non-stop action and drama, this is the server for you! plus, we have a secret underground base where herobrine hangs out and eats pizza with steve. don’t miss out on the madness, join now!

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • Nukes & Moose: A Blocky Alliance

    Nukes & Moose: A Blocky Alliance

    New Minecraft Servers

    join dis totally cray cray Minecraft server, pls lol

    ok so listen up, u kno how Canada is like “ehhhh we want some of dem nukes from our NATO buddies” to keep Trump from doing Trump things? well we got a whole world of crazy like dat here, my dude.

    u can build a massive leaf-shaped cauldron that brews maple syrup while fighting off mutant beavers who are DEF jealous of ur building skills. like, for real, they’re not just any regular beavers, they can summon their own lumberjack army. it’s like a nature vs. nurture showdown in pixelated glory!!

    and get this, once u reach lvl 99 (which is like super duper easy, trust me, u just have to build a shrine to Justin Trudeau made entirely of cupcakes), u can unlock the “nuke” command — not real nukes, silly, more like super explosive cupcakes that rain down sugar bombs on ur enemies. boom! instant diabetes!

    if u join now, u can also get a free pair of enchanted mittens that literally makes u throw snowballs that turn into polar bears. and u may think, "wow, polar bears, cool!" but these bears are trained in ancient Canadian martial arts and can kung fu kick any creepers right off the map!

    also, there’s a rumor going around that if you craft a snowman while singing the Canadian national anthem backwards, u might summon a ghost of a Canadian lumberjack to guide u to hidden treasure — it’s like fortnite but with more flannel and maple syrup!

    so stop being a noob and hop into the most bonkers, epic, totally absurd Minecraft experience ever, where the only limit is ur imagination (and maybe spelling)! see u on the other side, eh? 🍁💥🐻

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP

  • Woolly Mouse Madness

    Woolly Mouse Madness

    New Minecraft Servers

    Yo, so like, on this server, we got scientists who are like, trying to bring back woolly mammoths, but they accidentally created woolly mice instead! Can you imagine tiny little mice with big ol’ woolly coats running around? It’s like a cute and fuzzy apocalypse up in here! Join our server to witness this hilarious experiment gone wrong and maybe even ride a woolly mouse into battle! It’s gonna be epic, bro!

    New Minecraft Server
    GG.MINEWIND.NET
    New Server IP