I found Rosedalean SMP and it feels like a chill survival server with a lively player base and a friendly community. It is made for both casual players and the people who grind a lot so you can fit in either way.
The server is all about community and creativity. Players are encouraged to share ideas help with events and join factions. You can try to become the strongest group or just relax in a cozy village with animals.
It is an 18 plus server and you have to apply to join. That helps keep things respectful and grief free. The vibe is inspired by Hermitcraft and it is enhanced vanilla with add ons so you do not need to install extra mods.
It also has simple voice chat Terralith biomes a ticket system a BlueMap and events. There are custom armor trims too and they want suggestions from players.
Rosedalean 18+ SMP Enhanced Vanilla Factions

Real SMP With PvP And Raids

This server is an SMP that actually lets you fight. It is built around PvP and the whole risk of getting jumped while you play. If you like the thrill of not being totally safe this one is aiming for that.
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IPArkumSMP Desert Wasteland Duo Survival Games

ArkumSMP is a community server running a competitive Duo Survival Games event on a hand made Desert Wasteland map. It does not use normal world generation so the whole place is built for fights and smart movement.
The gameplay is meant to feel like pure Survival Games with custom coded chest tables. Loot is made to be fair and it pushes you to explore the map.
You can bring a partner or get paired up in the lobby. Expect open dunes for long range fights and tight ruins for close up battles. The event is on Java 1.20.1 and it is whitelisted so you have to join first and get your IGN added then show up early for the briefing and kit selection.
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IPTHE ARCADE TOOK OVER SPAWN

I found this server where the spawn has an arcade that is fully playable. It has pool snake 2048 minesweeper and reaction time. It was meant to be a small thing to do between grinds.
Now it is the main event. People log in walk straight to the arcade and stay there for hours. The spawn arcade stays packed a lot.
There is still a bunch of other stuff too like custom armor sets world bosses a player driven economy bug catching and custom farming. It feels like there is always something to do even if you just want to chill at spawn.
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IPFresh Semi Vanilla SMP Starting Soon

I found a small Semi Vanilla SMP that is in testing right now.
They said the real start is in about a week so it feels like a fresh join where you can get in early and help test things.
It is meant to stay close to vanilla survival and keep it simple with a small group vibe.
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IPSemi Anarchy Fabric Vanilla SMP

FabricCraft is a new survival server that sticks close to the base game and feels more open ended. It is semi anarchy so most things are allowed and the world is meant to last.
There are no land claims and there are no resets so the map can build real history over time. Alliances and trade and raids and rivalries just happen naturally from players.
The server runs on Fabric so redstone and farms work the way you expect. It also has Simple Voice Chat if you want to talk in game.
Hacked clients and unfair mods are not allowed. Griefing is not allowed within 1k of spawn and moderators handle that instead of claim systems.
There is also a creative world with no plot system so you can plan big builds before you do them in survival.
GG.MINEWIND.NET New Server IP
